He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
