i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
