I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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