Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
