I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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