just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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