The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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