Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did I show you my penis last night?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
