The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
