He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
