She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My dick has a subreddit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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