Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I look better un-naked...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
