...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
