yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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