direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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