You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
