I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
