i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
