your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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