so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
