i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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