So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
