im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
