just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
