Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
