Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
