so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
