The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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