so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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