I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
