Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
