The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
