Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
