I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
