My first STD was from a foam party
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
