dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
