chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
