I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
