i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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