I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
