I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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