Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
