i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
