So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
