KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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