Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
