I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
