Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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