What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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