the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
