Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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